Tracy Fulks… now THIS is writing!

tracy fulks


I remember the light of the refrigerator spilling out across my mother’s kitchen floor as I stood, overwhelmed and frozen, staring at the contents. The half-empty gallon of milk, the bag of limp and withered celery in the vegetable drawer, the carton of eggs. The unopened garlic and herb dip stared at me, as if I were finally going to deliver on the implied promise of company and crackers.

My chest was too tight, and it was almost impossible to breathe. I willed my hand into the cold air of the second shelf to remove the carton of eggs. Printed on the carton was September 02, 2001, in the same bruise-colored ink that we had on mimeograph copies they gave us in school in the 70’s.

My knees gave out, and I sobbed uncontrollably on the floor, head in my hands as the carton lie open beside me, its twelve…

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ImageNeon lights can’t hide the soulless dark grey concrete of the buildings around me. Cars zoom past noisily and a cold wind whips through my hair. There are huge towering glass giants all around and the air beats with the rhythmic pulse of metallic wheels on metallic track as I make my way past the station.

The sun is setting now and I can already see my breath clouding up in front of my face. I pull my black coat around my body – the closest thing I have to a warm embrace – tighten my scarf around my neck and stride forward through the icy wind.

I see something in the distance – something out of place in the concrete jungle – and as I approach, I see a dusty red lantern hanging to the right of a little blue curtain above the door. The worn-out hut looks dwarfed and insignificant among to the colossal towers around it. Yet despite that, there is some sort of air about it that seems strangely appealing.

I reach the small wooden shack and slide the door open, leaving the flashy neon city behind me, to be greeted by a stiflingly hot, dark, musty room. The place is packed, although to be fair, there’s only enough room for seven people. Each one sits on a bar stool at the long wooden counter, head down, faceless, stooped over their meal. The only sound is a loud, energetic slurping – very much a group activity – as if the customers are racing each other to see who can finish first.

The man behind the counter calls out “Heiiiii,irasshai!” welcoming me to his humble home and I sit on a tattered stool – the only free space – and look at the menu on the wall. There are just three dishes to choose from, all of them noodles, and order the second one: the “combination”.

I pour myself a glass of water from the jug on my right which is dripping with condensation in the humid atmosphere, and I reach for some old chopsticks that could have been fashioned by the man himself. I turn back to the counter and find my lunch is already waiting in front of me. Seriously fast food!

It looks like my grandma’s knitting kit has been boiled and served in a washing up bowl.

I plunge my head into the bowl so my nose is merely inches away from the steaming liquid, the same as the rest of my fellow diners. The aroma is overpowering: pungent, meaty and salty, with vegetables and seaweed floating on top.

I lift a piece of meat to my mouth with the chopsticks and take a cautious bite. It burns my lips and I immediately understand why everyone is sucking in such a lot of air while they eat: they’re blowing it in reverse to cool it down. I wince and pull my head back in surprise to find the man behind the counter staring at me with his small beady eyes, studying me carefully.

In the darkness I hadn’t been able to make out his features properly before, but now that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, I could see he was in fact a very small, wrinkled old man. He reminded me of a monkey in a way: his tanned, wrinkled skin, his beady eyes which shone in the half-light, and his carefree grin. He smiled at me, nodded wisely and mimed putting his head into a bowl of imaginary noodles, grabbing some with his make-believe chopsticks and then slurping them so as not to burn his mouth. He looks up from his imaginary meal, and grins broadly, pointing towards my bowl. I smile back and nod, plunging my face into the bowl again, embraced by the warmth and the comforting aroma of the dish.

I slurp and suck and gulp and swallow for about a minute before coming up for air and when I do, I find that my eyes are watering and my nose is running. I blink away the tears and sniff hard so I don’t have to take my head away from the steaming hot dish, and I go down again for a second helping. The old man next to me is chuckling to himself with the noise I’m making, clearly an amateur, but enjoying every mouthful: slurp, sniff, swallow, blink, slurp, sniff, swallow blink.

As I reach the end of the noodles, I tip my head back, lift up the bowl in both hands and drain the soup. Every last drop. There are no spoons here.

With a satisfied smile, I place the empty bowl back down on the counter and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, sweating, nose running and eyes watering. The old man is still staring at me, grinning broadly, and he stretches out a leathery hand on the end of a skinny arm with his palm facing the ceiling.

I place a 500 yen coin in his open hand and as his gnarled fingers close on it, he pats me on the back with his other hand.

I stand up from the counter, fit to burst and make my way towards the door. Before I leave I turn to thank the old man, but someone else is already sitting in my seat and he is preoccupied with the new customer.

I slide the door open once again and step out into the cold, dark, busy street, leaving the warm, magical world of the ramen shop behind me.

Rachel Weisz


Is it wrong that Rachel Weisz makes me wish I was 20 years older…?

Dance With Me


I was in the station last night.

It was cold and that large clock on the wall pirouetted on its axis, dancing the time away. Dead leaves skittered across the floor and I was alone. Not lonely. Just alone.

I lay on the station floor, drinking cheap wine, gazing at the night sky through the holes in the roof. Mateus. Do you remember it?  We used to drink it when we were young and had no money – it was cheap but somehow it made us feel rich.

I remember dancing there together when we were drunk. You were fuzzy and I was happy. And our feet whispered over the tiles, floating on the warm buzz of Ella Fitzgerald’s voice. The thrill of those nights, Michael… every moment was electric.

And as I looked up at the stars, I remember you once told me the sky was full of exploding suns. Eternity never looked so inviting.

I remember the first time you told me you loved me. The breeze of the summer night stroked your hair lazily and the star-jasmine glowed in the moonlight. I remember I could see the words dancing on your lips like tiny flames, and the sea of city lights blazed in the distance.

“I love you…”

The sound of your voice felt like sparks on my skin and made me shiver with delight.

I remember every scene and I cherish every moment we spent together, but without you nothing seems real any longer. The game’s just not fun any more. There’s nothing here for me now.

Sometimes, on warm summer nights like these, I think I see you in the shadows, waiting. Dance with me one more time, Michael. And then take me home.

Rain (A Valentine’s Story)

cupidBabel stared at the computer screen with her large brown eyes, wondering how to phrase the email. It was raining outside, which had unfortunately brought Melancholy knocking on the door with a tub of ice cream and a crappy romantic comedy. And naturally, she had invited him in with open arms.

That meant Logic went out of the window and fell face-first onto the cold, street floor below. But he was used to that kind of treatment so he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and made his way into the bar on the corner. He wondered if Juliette was on her shift tonight. At first he felt fairly confident she would be because he knew that she was always in on Fridays. But after an hour at the bar, he began to doubt himself. The unfortunate thing about Logic was that he had broken up with Self-Confidence a while back, and now they couldn’t even be in the same room together.

Whatever happened though, Logic knew that in the morning he would turn up on the doorstep of Babel’s apartment, still slightly drunk from the night before, and he would have the pleasure of going over all the stupid things she had done while he had been away.

Sadly, in the absence of Logic and Clear Thinking (who had gone bowling when Babel had started gorging on the ice-cream), she was regretting that she had recently split up with her idiot ex-boyfriend, for reasons which now seemed quite childish. The main reason was that the grey, rainy evenings reminded her of the times they had spent together. But the irony was lost on her, that “dull and miserable” were the two words she most associated with her “happy” relationship, so she just sat there, attempting to compose a heart-warming message which would send him scurrying back into her arms.

What to say though?

“Hey it’s raining, and for some reason I started thinking about you and about when we were together. I know this is completely out of the blue, but… do you think we could put the past behind us and work something out?”

At least, that’s what she wanted to write. But Babel’s stubborn nature wouldn’t let her. True, she craved his presence. And true, the rain reminded her of him. And she really did want things back the way they were. But she just couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling of resentment she felt towards him. He had been a real ass. And even if she forgave him, he would still be an ass.

After much internal wrangling, Babel punched out a single sentence and hit send.

“It’s raining and I hate you.”